Connecticut Estate Planning Attorneys Blog
No one looks forward to conversations about death and finances.
At best, such topics are uncomfortable.
And you introduce a whole other layer of complexity when the conversation in question is with your adult children and other family members who will be personally affected by your estate planning decisions.
The mere thought of such conversations can trigger feelings of anxiety, fear, and even guilt. But that doesn’t change the fact that having an open dialog about these concerns is a crucial part of ensuring your family’s future security and happiness.
Research shows that a lack of conversation can lead to confusion and unease. For example, a study by Edward Jones found that:
- While 71% of adults with children say they feel comfortable talking about generational wealth, a much smaller percentage (27%) have actually had such conversations.
- On the other side of the table, this lack of communication left 75% of those receiving an inheritance feeling unprepared, and almost one-fifth (19%) feeling anxious.
The thing to remember is that estate planning isn’t just about the distribution of assets after your death. It also encompasses planning for potential medical expenses, incapacity, and other end-of-life issues.
By having these discussions now, you set your family up to handle future challenges with more ease and less strife.
What’s stopping you from having the conversation?
There are a number of common reasons people avoid — either intentionally or unintentionally — having these important conversations with their adult children.
Here are a few of the most commonly cited reasons parents give for keeping quiet about their estate plans (and why you shouldn’t let them hold you back).
1. Fear of creating financial dependency
Some parents worry that if a child knows they will receive an inheritance, they will be less motivated to do the work to build their own wealth. While this concern is understandable, talking about estate planning can actually provide a great opportunity to talk honestly about financial responsibility. In addition, sharing your plans gives your children important context that helps them make better-informed decisions about their own financial choices.
2. A desire to avoid family conflict
It may be a common trope in fiction and movies, but it’s also a sad reality that inheritance matters often spark conflict among siblings or other heirs. Knowing this to be the case, many parents delay talking about their plans in order to avoid starting a fight.
The truth, however, is that clear, proactive communication about your decisions (and the reasons behind them) can go a long way toward preventing future misunderstandings and disputes. It’s also better to address potential conflicts while you are still present to arbitrate and/or at least set the record straight about your wishes.
3. Discomfort with the Topic
Talking about death and finances is uncomfortable for many people for many reasons. Some people don’t want to face their own mortality. Others don’t feel they should have to share their private financial information.
Here’s why you should talk to your children about your estate plans.
There are many practical and emotional reasons to have this important conversation. Some of the main benefits of talking about your estate plan with your kids include:
1. Clarifying Motivations
Discussing your estate plan allows you to explain why you made certain decisions. Whether you’re leaving a larger portion of your estate to one child, donating to charity, or choosing a specific health care proxy, that direct conversation with your heirs can provide clarity. This transparency can reduce potential conflicts, ensuring your intentions are honored.
2. Understanding Your Children’s Needs
You might assume that your grandchildren will resent your decision to leave a portion of your money to a charitable organization. But, if you have an open conversation, you may learn that they are very supportive of your desire to establish a legacy that includes a cause that’s important to you. It’s always better to ask questions than to assume you know the answers.
3. Preparing for End-of-Life Expectations
Many adult children expect to support their parents as they age but may not be prepared for the specific requirements. By discussing your plans for end-of-life care and financial arrangements, you can help your children better understand and prepare for future responsibilities. Knowing what their roles will be can alleviate a lot of the financial and emotional stress of difficult times.
4. Sharing Family Values
Estate planning conversations provide an important opportunity to articulate and pass on your family’s values and philosophies. Opening up a conversation about how you hope your children will use their inheritance can instill a sense of responsibility and continuity.
When to Have the Conversation
While every family’s situation is unique, it’s likely that your children are more ready than you think to have a conversation.
In fact, a study from Northwestern Mutual found that the younger generations are more eager than their older counterparts to discuss both family finances and their parents’ wishes about estate plans and long-term care preferences.
Timing your estate planning discussions depends on your personal circumstances.
Obviously, if you are dealing with health issues, you will feel a greater sense of urgency. Your children’s maturity and stage of life may also be a factor. For instance, if your children are financially independent, they might be more prepared to handle these kinds of discussions.
At Czepiga Daly Pope & Perri, we can guide you through this process, ensuring your family is well-prepared and has the resources and information to protect your legacy and lay the foundation for future generations’ financial security.
If you need help with your estate planning needs, reach out to our experienced team. We would be happy to assist you.
Related Posts:
The Money Talk: Why, When, and How
Estate Planning and Disgruntled Heirs: Ways to Avoid the Fight
